Wedding HiJinks
by Infinitypoet
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Edward and Bella's wedding would have been like had Emmett officated? Well this is my take on it. I hope you enjoy. Story is from Edward's POV!


**Okay so I am currently experiencing a bit of writer's block and needed something to get my creative juices flowing. Don't worry I already have the first 2 chapters of Revelations For My Beloved written (the sequel to AFA and SA!) I will probably be posting them this weekend but I have hit a road block with the sequel to DF that is currently unnamed :(**** so I am hoping this little one-shot can clear the debris from my path a little. This is what I think would have happened had Emmett actually officiated Bella and Edward's wedding, told from Edward's POV. I hope you enjoy, please read and review!**

_**Lawyer: All four books?**_

_**Me: Of course! Plus the paperback copies of Twilight and New moon, oh and the collector's edition of Twilight.**_

_**Lawyer: Cullen crest?**_

_**Me: Necklace, bracelet, earrings and hoodie, thank you very much!**_

_**Lawyer: Poster?**_

_**Me: Of Edward, yes!**_

_**Lawyer: DVD?**_

_**Me: *nods* and Blu-ray**_

_**Lawyer: Anything else?**_

_**Me: Um yeah, all kinds of Team Edward merchandise, a jewelry box, throw blanket, shirts, tote bag, umbrella, and even the Twilight candy.**_

_**Lawyer: copyright to the series?**_

_**Me: No, Stephenie has that.**_

_**Lawyer: Sorry there's nothing I can do.**_

_**Me: Fine, but someday I will own Edward Cullen.**_

_**Lawyer: *stands to leave* don't hold your breath**_

_**Me: *pouts then smiles* Maybe I'll just see if SM will let me borrow him……**_

* * *

Today is the day, in just a few moments my love will descend the stairs and she will become my wife. I can hear the nervous pounding of her heart upstairs over the chatter of the guests in the living room. I long to go to her, pull her into my arms and comfort her.

_So Eduardo you ready to do this. I can't wait to make my lil' sis a blushing bride._

"Emmett if you embarrass her in any way you are dead, and no amount of venom will be able to help you this time." I said quietly at vampire speed so the human guests would not hear me.

"Chill Eddie, I'll behave myself." _Or at least I'll try._

This caused a few of the vampires to have to hide their laughs, which they did a terrible job at. Causing the humans to think they had missed something. Which, thankfully they had.

I was just contemplating what I would do to Emmett if he did mess this up when Alice's thoughts broke into my reverie.

_Don't worry Edward everything will be fine. Bella will not be embarrassed. I promise._

Rosalie came down the stairs and took her position at my piano. When she began to play I turned around and saw Alice at the top of the stairs looking more stunning than ever.

_Wait until you see her Edward she is a vision._

As she took the bottom step the music changed and my love appeared on her father's arm.

It took all my self control to not run to her. I can not believe that she chose me. My angel who is in love with a monster. She truly looked the part of an angel in the white silk and lace that

adorned her perfect from. Her beauty was radiant and I was blinded by it. Her smile when she saw me was so beautiful that for the first time in almost ninety years I swear that me heart skipped a beat.

I guess my smile matched hers since Jasper was shouting at me in his mind to "stop grinning like a complete fool" as he so kindly put it.

Charlie and a blushing Bella made it safely down the aisle.

Gone was the nervous rhythm of Bella's heart as she stood next to me.

I was pleased when Charlie placed Bella's hand in mine to hear her heart suddenly speed up as it usually does when she is near me, I love it that I have such an effect on her.

**(A/N: Words in Italics are not thoughts now they are what is being said at vampire speed! Gotta' love Emmett.)**

Then Emmett began in what I guess he thought was a highly official sounding voice and I blocked out all of the thoughts that were flying throughout the room so that I could concentrate only on my love.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, and in the presence of God and these witnesses, _both living and undead_ to join together Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan in the holy

matrimony _so that he will no longer be a member of the never touch a booby tribe_."

At this the vampire in the audience all started coughing obviously trying and failing to hid their laughter. Whilst I growled low in my chest in warning.

"Isabella Marie Swan…" Emmett began again after a warning look from Esme "Do you take this man, _I mean vampire, _to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold from this

day forward, for better or worse, in sickness and in health _before and after your transformation_ to honor and cherish all your days upon this earth."

Bella smiled blushing as she said "I do."

"And Edward Anthony Masen Cullen do you take this _klutzy_ woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, in sickness and in

health _before and after her transformation_ to honor and cherish all your days upon this earth."

"I do" I said gazing into Bella's eyes, trying as hard as I could not to kill Emmett for all of his snaky little comments.

"The rings please." He said holding out his hand. Alice and Carlisle placed the rings in Emmett's outstretched hand.

"Isabella and Edward have chosen their own words for this portion of the ceremony. Isabella place the ring on Edward's finger and begin"

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my eternal love." My love said as she slid the ring onto my finger.

"I will wear it gladly. Whenever I look at it, I will remember this joyous day and the vows we've made." I replied as I took her wedding band from Emmett's palm.

As I placed it on her finger I said "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my eternal love."

My love smiled a brilliant smile and responded as we had agreed.

"I will wear it gladly. Whenever I look at it, I will remember this joyous day and the vows we've made."

"Isabella and Edward, you have exchanged rings and vows in the presence of your family and friends. So by the power vested in me by I now pronounce

you _vampire_ husband and wife, _now go forth and fornicate_" Emmett said looking very pleased with himself.

"_The kiss" _Carlisle gently reminded him.

"_What? Oh, _You may now kiss the bride" Emmett said slightly embarrassed.

Whistles and applause broke out from the audience as we kissed each other. We did not stop until we heard a few giggles and embarrassed coughs coming from the audience. Reluctantly we pulled away from each other as Emmett mentally chided me. _Damn I thought I was going to have to get the hose._

"I love you" I said gazing into my blushing bride's eyes.

As we turned to the audience Emmett bellowed "What has transpired here today is sacred and let no man, woman_, vampire, werewolf, gross old Volturi leader, Angela if she truly is a witch or hell mutant or alien_ _for that matter _tear asunder. So I now proudly introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen"

This caused more laughter come from the vampires in the audience to laugh and this time they did not even try to hide it. Causing the humans began glaring across the aisle at them; they obviously thought they were missing some inside joke.

This had been the happiest day of my very long life. I was now married to the most perfect women, my life could not get any better, I was now complete.

_Oh Edward, _Alice yelled in her thoughts to get my attention _don't worry about_ _Emmett we will take care of him while you're gone. _

I smiled as she showed me the various punishments that the family had in store for him in the coming weeks. Poor Emmett.

**I hope you enjoyed it!**


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